It was on Carson Goh's treat, and my 49th JCRC had a small gathering at his room in blk2. I was late coz I went to celebrate yixin's bday. When I reached there, keith was abt to sing, with weiqiang on the electric guitar. Keith sang 'the reason', and it was greatly done considered there was no rehearsal between him and weiqiang. Carson Goh sang several songs of his generation, which could not attract my attention at all coz I don't listen to English songs that much. Oops..I was focusing at the mic ..haha...apparently, i wanted to sing! before I arrived, matthew had played piano and it was supposed to be lixin's turn. Somehow carson goh played the '月亮代表我的心' song, and weiqiang said that 'that is what lixin practiced every day'..haha...so in the end, I sang it. was not that badly done I wish and junda supposed to video it down forgot to save...haiz..wat a waste. Junda sang '关怀方式', and i realized that the batch of jcrc is pretty musically talented. lol

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Sometimes I could feel it, sometimes I thought I was wrong.
Sometimes I suddenly lose the courage to go further.
Could anybody up there or down there drop me any hint or sign so that I know what to do?

I wonder what could bring two ppl living in two different words together? Fate or effort?
it seems to be a really long way to go, and I am left with 9 months. Tired and Scared.
Shall I give up? sianz

I am someone who can't keep a secret, about complaints, preferences, infatuation and etc. Thanks god that there are always dear friends who are willing to lend a listening ear, and tolerate my longwindedness. For the very first time, I gonna keep something as a secret which has two endings. Either the secret is gonna revealed necessarily coz it cant be kept anymore, or it's forgotten as time passes. I have not even told lala abt it, so damn cool.

Sylvia is in the band of production, and thus I was invited for the concert.

Went to thiang and jack and anthonia. Was extremely blessed that thiang got a car, but unfortunately the aircon was spoilt, and I was sitting at the front seat, where I could not feel a single breeze which was all directed to back seats and the worst thing was I wore a long sleep cotton-material blouse, which made me totally soaked into sweat with the non-leather seat. I was so sweaty that I could not bother to spill a single word.

Enough of complaining, the concert was extremely hilarious, I find the live music concept is pretty cool and throughout the show, I could see Sylvia standing on the stage playing her keyboard in not-so-dark darkness. There was one part, the sharks-loan Ah Long rapped which was feedbacked by most of audience as the best part of the concert. and the most hilarious part of his rap is that it's in-corporated with the similar rhythm as the 'Huo Huo Huo Huo Huo Huo' part of Jaychou's song 'fearless' (Huo Yuan Jia).

Despite being a funny show, several scenes have touched me deeply and I could not help but teared at the peak of the show. The scene was about the main female leading having a quarrel with her bf as she wanna pursue her dream overseas despite her bf's expectation as taking care of the coffee shop which is both their parents' business. The female lead asked for a break up because she could not find a future with her bf. Ironically, the mother of the female lead and the father of the male lead were once a couple. They broke up because the mother wanted to become a star and not a decent coffee shop waitress and the father married someone who was always there for him at that time. 30 years later, when they both had their families, and their spouses have passed away, they met each other again as the rival coffee shop against each other in the same street. The story sounds cliche to most of normal audience, I assume, but definitely not for me, someone who had given up things that she regretted now or would in the future along the path that she flew to pursue her dream.

'You deserve someone who chooses to stay here with u, and she will deserve better to be with you than I do', as the female lead sang, my heart sank again. for goodness sake

It must be the call.
It must be all the arguments that we had.
It must be the misunderstandings after we've clarified.
It must be getting to know you more.
It must be the 'never' that I ve said.

I just hope it ain't love. It's just like a normal crash that qiqi will have at a random day in a random weather.
It must be an accident

I stared at e mirror and asked the girl in the mirror: "why can't I be fair?"
the girl smiled and answered: "my fair lady, you are. just that you always see through a shadow of darkness."
I replied:" I am daughter of the demon, who supposed to dictate the world"
She was not so shocked as I tot: " I know, I am an angel, God wants me to salvage you."
"sorry I think I talked to a wrong person", then I walked off.
She stared at my back as I left, and grinned: "but you can never get rid of me"

"He loves us - just the way we are, but too much to just let us be."

It's not an usual me to put a Christian related nick on msn, or anything that is pro-religion. But Sylvia's entry at her blog really touched me quite much. I'd always admired her writing and my other JC classmates'(those GEPers from RGS), and I always dream to have a flair in writing both English and Chinese, but seems that my right brain isn't developed enough.

Anyway, back to Sylvia's entry, "picking and choosing the values that are palatable to me and ignoring the rest, complacent in the notion that I'm saved nevertheless. We grow complacent of God's love, but we forget that every good father who loves his child also disciplines him when he commits a wrong. "It's not only true to religious population. Everybody grows complacent as long as they take for granted that they are loved. That is how we get spoilt.

I admit that I am a typical spoilt China-single-child, who is selfish and stubborn, who is too sinful to be ever loved by any God, who simply refuses to have any moral standards. A piece of me looking for the attention from who refuses to give, a piece of me cursing and bitching about whatever does not come to my way, a piece of me learning to be hypocritical and diplomatic, and the innermost piece of me longing for an eternal peace at heart.

Think that the ultimate reason of me refusing a religion salvation is probably the last resort of my disappointment that I am scared to be disappointed again.