You only know whether you love a man, when he leaves you.

If (you realize that you actually love him)
   yet he already left. There is nothing you can do.
      if (he already has a girl with him)
         you are apparently not up to his standard, at least compared to the girl.
      else
          he is single, yet he prefers single than with you. You should just go one corner and cry
else
     if (You realize that you don't really love him)
        since he already left, then you should let him go. No damage is done, hopefully.

else
    Segmentation error.

return 0;

---

I guess when he finally decides to leave me, all my friends are happy about it, because everyone thinks it's wrong, thinks it's going no where, and think it will return a '0' eventually. So do I.

But there is a just moment of lost captured after a sequentially unfortunate events happened in my favorite company. I kept quiet, trying to figure out the if and else as if my brain has a C programming compiler that deciphers the compilation error. I could not conclude anything after awhile and I decided to just listen to the heart. She said I am sad, and I sighed. All I wanted was a hug, yet no one was available at the moment and the man nearest me was the least eligible.

After bath, I finally figure out that it's better not to know the answer of whether I really love the man, because the answer only hurts the heart even deeper. As I grew older, I truely believes that what fate arranges for me is always the best for me. So I tossed a coin after so many if and else.

原本以为是一本无聊的新加坡本地作品，却还是惹的我霎时眼泪。
也许大部分的新加坡人都不会觉得这电影怎么样，因为我们从来不曾体会旧上海式的歌女生涯，也早已远离那贫穷的生活方式。
可是那几句发自肺腑的歌词依然催人泪下。

Work at ML officially started on 4th Aug. Being at the end of week, I feel glad that things did not change much as I thought would be. Work is  still fun, I mean i am able to find fun in work. Thanks to the training program, there are just so many friends that I can hang out with easily, I can trust to, I can rely on, and I may even fall for, accidentally.

It really bores me when I don't have much things to do, or rather I finish whatever I am required to do. I think work is just like academic, I never long to acheive any excellency, but merely aiming at the above-average level. After all, it's always the people that matters to my life.

---

You are just someone that I feel comfortable to talk to, to stay with, and to joke around. Things will change, because people change. But I will ALWAYS remember the fun time we had, the laughter you brought, and the smile in your eyes.

IT has been a really busy week for me. It was mostly meeting various friends for birthday celebrations, and was a truly fulfilling week for me.

Monday
I met up with bingxiong at Funan because I wanted to look for a new desktop. I already had iMac in mind yet bx recommended me Acer, with Quar Processor, 24'' screen, and price kept lower than 1.9K. Eventually Dabian managed to persuade me with few messages and convinced me that iMac still is the Mr. Right for me. So I am currently waiting for my credit card to be delivered to the mailbox, and then I shall make a move. However, it is still possible to change my mind because I do ALWAYS get something that I didn't really eye on.

Tuesday
2nd Class outing in a month's time. But I guess that most of my JC classmates didn't check their facebook on that day before they came out their houses in the morning. But it's definitely okay for me. I have learned to keep a low expectation for my birthday so that I won't get exceptionally upset like what happened in the past few years. Indeed, I did spend a great time with my dearly classmates. Man-er, Sylvia, Jane, Jack, Thiang and Sebastian, no one has significantly changed from what we were like in JC, yet no one has been the same. Our conversation topics have a high intensity on engagement, marriage, and wedding, partly because the friends surrounding us are having these affairs and we eagerly or cross-fingerly anticipate them as well. Sebas decided to pay for the dinner as he is a pilot-gonna-be, to be more exact, a really handsome pilot-gonna-be. Jane paid for the desert because she has the longest working period among us and thus we deduced that she must be earning the most.

Before the clock ticked 12, my lovely house-mate sent me the first greeting with the first gift. Well, I have to admit that I am materialistic, and a gift is always satisfying. Who isnt? haha.

Wednesday
It was definitely the climax of the week for me. My actual birthday, with wishes from so many friends on facebook or via sms, wasa surprisingly joyful event for me, all thanks to the ML folks. One week ago, Jeff suggested that the coming Wednesday would be a Sentosa trip for TAPs of 2008 (Technology Analyst Program), in conjunction with implicit celebration of my birthday. Dechao was trying to find alliance so that he can dump me into water, even though the other guys seemed not so interested in doing such an ungentlemanly endeavor. I still brought along 3 sets of clothes, plus bikini, just in case Dabian decided to fight the war himself, in which he is certainly capable of carrying me into the dirty sea of sentosa so as to revenge all the shit that I had done to him.

We played volleyball, ultimate Frisbee, and captain's ball at the beach. Sadly, Fen the hottie injured her leg and Andi sprang his ankle. It does not seem to be dangerous games but casualties do occur. Fortunately, we have a medic in the crew, who attended the female casualty much faster than the male one, which well proves the law of magnetism. Opposite attracts.

In the last game of captain's ball, where only girls were allowed to shoot, and GTS and GBT girls were separated into two teams, I had to admit hat GTS girls owned. Quiet girls like Tessie, Summer and Dawn, did show their aggressiveness when it came to competition, and yiyi, the supposingly more fierce one screamed more than she did in the past 3 weeks. Anuj, the opponent's keeper, was shouting to his own teammates 'guys, pick your choice and guard the girls. You can pick your target now'. If he didn't say that, the chances of girls from GTS scoring would have been lower, but his statement did make the introvert guys (at least more than half) hesitate more in their defense.

Played 2 on 2 basketball for 3 minutes with Jeff, Mr. Gay and Summer after the captain's ball, which reminded me of my basketball days in younger years. Wearing sports shoes and running around made me feel more free and enjoyable.

Jie called me as he just came back from Malaysia. He sounded tired though, but was absolutely a good catch up with him after so long without seeing him.

The day ended with Ms Dabian apologizing to Mr. Dabian for scratching his arm during the violent captain's ball game, and Sharon managed to send the birthday girl a message before 30th July 2008 passed.

Thursday
Had too much fun on Wednesday, and thus was a tiring day for me. I could not focus during class, and only found out that Mr. Gay is truly 'perverted', whom I deemed as a decent boy.

Met up with Yangz after training, and visited her 'mansion' at Tanglin Mall. A really big house at a really good location. She seems to have a sweet life with her boyfriend, who recently got a blackberry from his company and treated it as his mistress after work. The wife is Microsoft Outlook, by the way. Yangz bought me a pouch, a lovely and elegant one. I like it a lot. Yay, I am materialistic.

At night, I got a parcel slip from SingPost and I kinda expected it from lala and xx.

Friday
and the truth turned out to be is that they never fail to please me on my birthday. I collected the parcel from SingPost in the morning, when I was on my way to work. I brought it all the way to office and opened it. It was a huge giraffe with not-so-long neck and damn big belly, not to forget the nostrils and bellybuttons. It is SO DAMN CUTE. Fen said she loves it. So did Tessie. All the girls hugged him and Dabian wanted it to be his son. Mr. Gay proved that he is truly perverted once again with the presence of my giraffe and Dabian proved to be gay by acting like a baby girl with the soft toy. It was like the climax of the day and I didnt bother what the instructor taught during the day.

I went Geylang to meet xiao and y.c for dinner. We had dimsum, and xiao was hot. Perverted guys kept staring at her, y.c and I tried to block away the visions. They came to stay over at my house and we had girls talk. Y.c fell asleep half way, and she didn't change her position and pose at all until we woke her up so to fit the rest of us.

Saturday
I was the first one woke up and xiao got up first. I went to bathe, and when I came out, xiao and y.c disappeared. I thought they went to kitchen and took out cake. They came into my room shortly and confessed that they wanted to wake up early to cook me a breakfast. Apparently the plan failed, but the thought really counted. So we cook pandan cake. Xiao tried to fry eggs, but she was afraid that she would burn down the kitchen instead, so I took over. Actually I don't think she will ever burn down the kitchen if she can't fry properly an egg. The sausages were cooked before the pandan cake, and  became soggy afterwards. The breakfast was finished at 1pm and we had another girls talk.

Heqi and buming booked me for dinner on Saturday, and we went for steamboat, again. We could call ourselves the steamboat again if there is a third time. I was pretty smart to wear a dress so that the most bloated part can be always covered. Heqi and I taught buming new things again, and we planned to have another dinner in my house next time. Buming will be in charge of cooking.

Sunday
Had diarrea in the morning, most likely due to the effect of air-conditioner and spicy steamboat. Was reluctant to go for tuition, and wanted to tell auntie Cristin that I could not cope. On the way to tuition, some old memory came into my mind and I kept cursing him again. I felt so much anger, hatred and sadness swelling me all of sudden, and I really wanted to stab him to death if I could. Then I met up the lovely kids, Valery, Kenric and Irving. They are just mature, cute and loveable. I enjoyed spending time with them somehow, even though they didn't obey me entirely most of the time. I had peace and soothingness in that two hours. They are definitely gifts that life bestow upon me, then why bother about the dreary traveling time?

Magdelene is another of my tuition kid, and she has a very typical Nanyang basketball girl look even though she is actually from Cedar. She is very cute too. She will have test on Kinetics on Tuesday and I hope my lousy chemistry knowledge did help her, even a little bit.

Watched The Dark Knight with Bingxiong at night. The show started at 9pm, and ended really late. Bx felt guilty about booking such a late show but it was a fantastic show that drenched my soul to the deepest thought. 'Madness is like the gravity, just a slight put....' I thought about the sentence again and again, and asked myself why I am still so mad of past. Should a bastard be able to disturb my life, I am in fact another Harvey, who lived with two faces, and readily jumped into abyss just by a slight push. Hope is never a truth, is what we believe in, just like how the Dark Knight believes Rachael will wait for him, just like the people on one boat believes that the other boat will not trigger the bomb.

So at least, I know, there is some hope that I can believe in, as one day I am able to forgive, I am able to forget, and I am able to live with a true smile from the heart.