I think my mum read my previous blog, as she sounded very sorry to leave me alone on Christmas.
Anyway, I was not that sad on the lonely Christmas. It was not the first time I spent a day in such a solitary way.
However, I was extremely sad today, the boxing day.
Like a slap in the face, like a stab in the heart, I felt forsaken. Once again.
'How did you celebrate Christmas?' 'How many gifts did you receive?'
As I realized that I was supposed to celebrate the day with someone or some people, a mourning sense of solitude suddenly surged, and I felt suffocated.
I spent my entire Christmas Eve and Christmas reading Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, and I finished the book.
The thought of spending every festival in the rest of my life in a pathetic way taunted me.

I read a blog entry from a senior, and interestingly it claimed the cells in human beings change in such a rate that we appear to be a brand-new identity every 7 years. So from the 3rd round of 7 years in my life, I started experiencing traumatizing memories.  I transformed to a different person as I used to be. I became extreme, extremely negative, extremely irrational, and extremely skeptical. I was living in a shell: I stopped socializing around, locking up my true emotions, and living without a soul.
I cried often. Very often. Being hurt badly in relationships made me not able to trust anyone anymore.
Worst of all, I refused to go out, because crowds always shattered my solitary soul and forsaken heart.
I wonder how I will be like in the next 7 years. I wonder whether I will be still intact enough to live on.

P.S. I was locked out of my house on Christmas eve, because I forgot to bring the key and my housemate already flew back China. I squatted down in front of my house and started crying helplessly. Not only I didn't know my house owner's number, but also I hardly could think of anyone that I could call for help. Eventually I tried my luck and asked the neighbour that I had never talked to. I was lucky.

Maybe I was too demanding, hoping you would listen, understand, and share my pain. I didn't hate you when you said you could not see a future with me. No one had ever, neither had I.

P.S.2 Happy Birthday in advance, boy. It's a date I will never forget, but I have forgiven u for forsaking me, because I know you are happier without me.

一直以为，自己还是会害怕寂寞。
所以每次下班回家，都希望有个人能够一起陪着走。
很多时候，人都会以为习惯就是爱情。
而今天独自默默的走回家的时候，
却蓦然发现一直都只是活在自己的世界里。
很难想像，一生都要无时无刻面对着一个人的感觉。
我想，我真的是不适合恋爱吧。

人总是自私的，尤其在受过伤之后，被欺骗与背叛之后。
于是怕再被伤害，于是不再百分百的付出。
于是爱情变成了最脆弱的诺言，于是伴侣成了佣人保姆式的角色。
我也决定不再等了。也许因为曾经等待过，更因为从来没有等到试着等待的人。
所以，这次，我也轻易的放弃了你。
一如既往的躲在那破碎的心的包扎中。

有位同事说，他总是悲哀的调调，
恩，我觉得我也是那个调子。
只是现在的我每次伤心难过的时候，
就想起你那年送的粉红色玫瑰。
人的记忆就是如此，总是能够记得最真心的爱。

爸爸妈妈在新加坡！
哈哈，昨天去vivo逛了一天，还去看了Songs of the Sea @ Sentosa. （非常后悔）
非常又满足感，因为父母逛街或是吃饭都由我支付开销。感觉自己在新加坡这么多年就是为了这么一天！
晚上加上丁丁一起打麻将。哈哈，当然是我的长项了。果然以我横扫他们的钱币终结。
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李云迪瘦的时候很像木村拓哉，真的好帅。
很喜欢周定纬的笑容，腼腆的很有内涵。
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昨晚做了一个梦，梦里读了两封信，
然后心就碎了。
于是梦里面的心碎的感觉，竟然比现实还要铭切。